month twelve + a few days.

So... it's not the 11th, but even though JVC officially ended for me on August 10th, I was in Boston until the 13th, so that's why this is delayed.

In short, I spent month twelve saying goodbye. The first week: end of camp and most of the kids. Second week: Dis-O and most of JVC. Third week: Casserly House, the rest of the people there, and S. Nancy. Fourth week: Boston, our house, and my community. Honestly, I have just felt overwhelmed by emotions; I'm not kidding when I say that this past month was one of the most emotionally intense experiences of my life.

However, while I did cry more in public during this past month than I think I ever have before (you will not be seeing those pictures), month twelve was a fitting way to end my time as a JV. Yes, I had to say entirely too many goodbyes, but that is a testament to the beautiful relationships I spent this year building. And the fact that those goodbyes were so hard is a testament to what a wonderful year I had.  I have consistently felt overwhelmed by gratitude, and having the chance to say thank you to the most important people from this year over the past month meant everything.

I had the blessing this year of never once doubting that JVC was the right choice for me, that Boston was the right city, that Casserly House was the right placement, and that this community was the place where I belonged. This year was right for me; it was where I was supposed to be, but somehow it is now time to move on. Month twelve was about beginning to figure that out.

Transitions are never easy for me, even when I know that they are necessary, and month twelve had extreme highs and extreme lows. But when I think back over this last month, I mostly think about faces. Hugs that couldn't last long enough. "Till we meet again's" and encouraging words. The promise of being together in prayer. Shared meals and final drinks together. Laughter and even more inside jokes to add to our list. Promises to call and text and Facetime and visit and generally still be obsessed with each other. 

And once again, I am grateful. Thank you, JVC, for a beautiful ending to a life-changing year.

month twelve.

the end of astronomy. movies, movies, movies.  revere beach sandcastle competition + fireworks.

camp: week 2 - africa. an emotional upset. sleeping on the balcony as a form of self-care. jvc year timelines + high's and low's. mfa fieldtrip. pizza + beautiful sunset. mud. amanda's visit. thank you party + a well-represented casserly house. boston movies.

batman. wawa + live tweeting. dis-o. swimming. reflection. community time. forgiveness. finding peace. realizing that this is only the beginning. fireflies.  emotional exhaustion. the final roadtrip. amish country + lancaster brewery. ain't no party like a scranton party. the end of days. so. many. goodbyes.

the tub fiasco. "what a joker." the final week at Casserly House. scrambling to finish everything. basket shopping. new irish intern. the fighter. letters from the ESOL students + pizza with the kids. the most extraordinary kindness + the last day at Casserly House. final sam adams tour. gone baby gone. mass at st. cecelia's. maggie's birthday cake. jfk library. naptime. the roof of DR.

a last week in Boston. monday night beers at foley's.  jar + bracket of top moments. cleaning + packing. goodbyes to fjvs.

the beehive + top of the hub on our final night out. saying goodbye to kateleigh. one last round at sissy k's. wheat thins. one last mass at st. cecelia's. target with maggie. philadelphia. running around finishing everything. "where is macedonia?" all of us sleeping in kateleigh's room. 6am with maggie. breakfast with abby. lunch with cristina. one last round around the common + a red sox hat. leaving 7 patten st. crying in public. the kindness of strangers. re-reading my journal on the plane.

and finally... home. (for now at least.)

p.s. This doesn't mean that I'm done with this whole blogging thing. I still have a lot of things left to say!

month eleven.

Towards the end of the school year, one of the After School kids (we'll call him J.) developed the habit of telling me that I was "breaking his heart." The reason for this was usually because I informed him that it was time to do his homework. J. was known for being just a little bit melodramatic.

The best was the day when he yelled, while walking out the front door of Casserly House, "MEGAN, why are you always BREAKING MY HEART?!" It was all I could do to not start laughing in his face.

Those who know me well will know that, like J., I harbor some over-dramatic tendencies. These days I feel a little like him when I think about the impending end of JVC. I just keep thinking, "JVC, why are you always breaking my heart?" Honestly, it's almost like JVC is trying to break up with me, and I just don't know how to let a good thing go.

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In the spirit of Month Eleven, here's the letter I wish I could write:

JVC, why are you trying to end things? I've given you almost a year of my life--eleven months to be exact. (But let's be honest, I've really been infatuated with the idea of you for much longer.) It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that our relationship began, but in other ways it feels like a century has passed.

We have shared some great moments over the course of the year; we laughed, we cried, we sat around and talked all night about nothing. You have taken me from Baltimore to Blue Ridge to Boston... then up and down the East Coast, from Philly to Portland to DC to NYC and back again.

Of all of the gifts I have received, the people you introduced me to is what I cherish the most--the strangers who became my community mates who became some of my best friends, the ESOL students whose kindness and hospitality floored me, the kids who left footprints on my heart, the other members of JVC East who made my year so wonderful, even the people I didn't meet--the kids, clients, and women whose stories I just heard pieces of.

But I also gave up a lot for you--most importantly, being near my family, my friends, and my beloved Missouri. I worked for less than minimum wage, moved in with strangers in a city I had never set foot in, and committed to challenging myself on a daily basis. I gave up my pride, my comfort, and my preconceived notions.

I gave myself over to you, for better or for worse, crossed my fingers, and hoped that it would be for better--that I would be for better because of you. And I like to think that I am.

But now, after all that we've been through together--the good times and the bad times--what do you mean, you just expect me to leave? That in two weeks, you are going to "De-Orientate" me, send me to one last week of work, then you expect me to pack my bags, leave this house, and fly away from Boston?

Letting go isn't easy, and much like the way relationships can slowly, gradually decline, while I'm clinging to these last moments, part of me can already tell that you're slipping away. I'm slipping away.

Endings are so bittersweet. I always knew this wasn't forever, but I also thought that this year wouldn't end quite so quickly, that I wouldn't leave it so... attached. To Boston. To these four faces around the dinner table every night. To the life that I built for myself far away from all that I had loved.

Oh, JVC. By the end of this, I'm pretty sure you'll have ruined me.* 

month eleven.

the last week of after school. saying goodbye--for now. shoe shopping. reading tattoos on the heart in the common. 80's milkshake at max brenner chocolate. harbor islands trip. georgetown cupcake grand opening.

three day weekend: bunker hill day. a schedule change. seeing the kids in a new light. strawberry planting: part 2. newark weekend. visiting nyc: bryant park, a failed shake shack trip, the highline. sundresses and watermelon. the ironbound.

pre-camp craziness. jim's last day. dinner with some hometown faces. fro yo by fenway. cops vs. kids softball game.

pizza, gelato, and hanging out in the north end. nahant beach day. flying kites. sailors + sissy k's. early monrings at st. cecelia's. lots of job hunting.

fourth of july in boston. abby's week. asian food in cambridge. red sox-yankees at the bleacher bar. a day at the cape as a community. the start of summer camp.

* For those who don't know, JVC's really cheesy tagline is "Ruined for Life." Sorry I'm not sorry.

month ten.

 

Yesterday was the end of the year celebration picnic at Casserly House. During the afternoon, the ESOL students, After School kids, their families, neighbors, and other community members gathered to celebrate the end of the school year and to enjoy being together. We had food, games, and a raffle, and each student received a certificate acknowledging their participation in the programs. I loved the entire afternoon--meeting the family members of the ESOL students, being around the kids in a different atmosphere, and seeing my housemates experience Casserly House.

But the most touching moment was easily when one of the ESOL students gave a short speech after receiving her certificate, during which she said the following: "At Casserly House we are like a family. S. Nancy is your mother, Jim is your father, and Megan is your sister."

That is one of the biggest compliments I have ever received, but I think it says less about me personally and more about why Casserly House is so special. I always say that I'm grateful for the people in my life. I am even more grateful for the people that have let me be a small part of their journeys over the past ten months. I will carry those memories (and so many more from this year) with me long after my feet have left this place physically.

month ten.

picnics at the public garden. fro yo. being a grown up. foley's. st. cecelia's. loving people well. baking baking baking.

making challah with the roommates. earthfest. harpoonfest. afternoons reading in the arboretum.

 

dinner with sarah. countdown to memorial day. red, white, and blue. 

road tripping to maine: the way life should be. jvc spring break '99. sun's out, gun's out. #hashtags. sonic, fog, and going out in portland. bromance.  jumping in the ocean. an afternoon at the beach. 

grendel's. goodbye beers. abby's birthday. watching food stamped. rainy. weekend. free doughnut day. popsicles with mike. haymarket. :[ last spiritual direction session at athan's. pierogies. fjv barbeque.

 

seeing fr. greg boyle speak. castle island with the esol students. the scooperbowl. the aquarium. roslindale farmer's market. fornax bread co. finishing the freedom trail. climbing the bunker hill monument. going out downtown. visitors. mass by myself. casserly house picnic.