what do you want out of this year?

During a recent conversation with my uncle about my upcoming experience as a Jesuit Volunteer, he asked me the following question (which is a very good question that I've been asking myself as well): "What do you want out of this year?"

I rambled for a long time as an answer, but here is a brief statement of how I would answer if I could do it over again:

Everything.

Change.
Growth.
Peace.
Challenges.
Relationships.
Love.
Tears.
Laughter.
Adventure.
Explorations.
To make an impact (however big or small).
A better, more developed idea of who I am and the path I am going down.
More runs.
A Boston library card.

But in the end, this is perhaps how I should have answered him:

It's not about what I want or what I get. 

It's about what I give. 

And it's about being open to everything I receive.

mischief managed.

When I was in fourth grade, my grandparents gave me the first three Harry Potter books for Christmas. I was hooked after only a few chapters, and I raced through them all before the break was over. I waited impatiently for the next book to come out, completely unaware of what I would go through over the next 12 years. A few months later, I vividly remember sitting at my kitchen table the night after the fourth book came out, with goosebumps as I read about Voldemort's return in the final pages. The fifth book was released several years later during my first year at TIP, and there were a few anxious weeks before I could get my hands on a copy of the book to see what new adventures were in store for the trio. By the time the sixth book was released, I had caught up to Harry in age and was able to drive myself to buy the book at midnight.

But the release of the seventh book is still my favorite Harry Potter related memory, as I waited in line at midnight at a bookstore in Oban, Scotland to buy the book, and bonded with strangers of various nationalities over our shared love of this wonderful world. The universal appeal of Harry Potter became real to me that night, as I saw how much this book series meant to each and every one of us waiting in line. While I don't love the movies with the same passion as the books, they have grown on me over the years, and it's been nothing but enjoyable to see the stories and characters that I love so dearly come to life on the big screen.

So, thanks Jo, for creating one of the stories that defined my childhood, for the pleasure of getting to grow up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Thanks for reminding me of the importance of mystery, magic, and imagination, but most importantly, thanks for showing me that stories can still change the world.

me & my bike.

Until this summer, I hadn't rode a bike in years. However, after being inspired by a few friends at SLU, some blog reading, and lots of thinking about health/environmental benefits of bike riding, I decided to pull my old bike out of the shed this summer while I'm at home.

And when I say my bike is old, I mean it; I'm not sure exactly when we purchased it, but definitely no later than when I was in sixth grade (so, uh, at least 10 years ago). The only reason that it still works for me at all is because I haven't gotten any taller since I was in fifth grade. Since this bike was purchased at Wal-Mart, Toys 'R' Us, or some other comparable retailer, it's obviously not the best quality and was never necessarily meant to be an adult bike. I am fully aware of it's many, many flaws, but for the rest of the summer, it will suit me just fine. After my JV year in Boston, however, I fully plan on getting a new, adult-sized bike.

 purple shoes for a purple bike

While my current bike is less than ideal, my hometown has been an ideal place to experiment with bike riding. The speed limit in town is 25 miles per hour, and I know these streets like the back of my hand, guaranteeing that I am usually able to avoid "busy" roads and hills (ha).

I'm off work today, and I was greeted with temperatures in the low to mid-70's this morning. This is unheard of for Southeast Missouri during this time in July, so I thought that a bike ride would be a great way to take advantage of the cooler weather. I need to pick up a few groceries from the store, so I hopped on my (very old) bike, put on my (new) helmet, and off I went.

 my (old) bike & (new) helmet

I had a great, quick ride the to grocery store with a nice cool breeze. I currently lack a bike lock (I told you, I'm new at this!), so I simply left my bike outside of the front of the store, hoping that the honesty of a small town would guarantee that it would still be there when I returned (it was). My current bike lacks a basket or storage of any kind (something I definitely want in a new bike), so my handy drawstring backpack worked as a substitute to hold my purchases, and I was able to bike back home, as I enjoyed being outdoors and got some exercise.

While there are many perks to biking, I think that one of my favorite things about riding my bike at home is all of the friendly people that wave at me while I ride. It's almost like having my own personal cheering squad. :)

recent wanderings.

So, my blog has been neglected the past few weeks. And it's not because I don't have anything to say because let's be honest--I always have something to say.

Summer doesn't seem like it's really started yet in someways, which I suppose is appropriate for my current state in life: I'm just somewhere in between. Between being an undergrad and being a Jesuit Volunteer. Between being a kid and being an adult. But that's what the people tell me being a twenty-something is all about.

My days have been mostly been taken up by working, driving on country roads, reading lots of books, and attempting to organize the chaos my material possessions have become over the past 4 years, while my nights have been taken up by cooking with my parents, hanging out with friends, going on runs and riding my bike (while admiring Missouri's beautiful sunsets). And I've been squeezing in visits to St. Louis every week or so to see my SLU friends that are around.

It's really nice to be home. College has made me appreciate small town life in ways I would have never predicted. It's good to have a few more months here before I head off to Bean Town in August. Life is good...even as I spend my days reveling in the in-between.

photo via pinterest

bakin' up a storm.

In the midst of graduating from college and moving home for the summer, I found time to bake a few things, too. As you can probably guess, I really enjoy baking for my friend's birthdays! It's a great time to try out new, usually excessive recipes that I wouldn't get a chance to make normally.

monkey bread.

for Mary and Laura's birthday:

chocolate peanut butter cake (glaze omitted so we didn't die from a sugar coma).

pumpkin muffins (minus the cream cheese filling.)

irish soda bread (a combination of many recipes, I believe).

banana chocolate chip bread.

for my roommate, Kate's, (early) birthday:
tres leches cake & black-bottom cupcakes.

and for Jessie's birthday...
  the rainbow cake! (with a double batch of this icing.)

And here's a few of the other things that I've baked recently that I didn't get pictures of... Spiced Applesauce Bread. Peanut Butter Banana Bread (with added chocolate chips) . Strawberry Shortcake Cookies.

P.S. I think my obsession with smitten kitchen is completely obvious after this post.

she's got the world at her fingertips.

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my dad about my future--which after next July, is wide open. At one point, he laughed and made the following comment: "You know that song, 'My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades'? Well, your future must be clouded by smoke, it's so uncertain."

While part of me wanted to take offense to this (well-meant) poke at my lack of life direction, but I couldn't help but agree because, well, it's true. My future after my JV year is like a blank page. I don't know what I'll be doing (grad school, working, traveling, etc.), what field I'll be in, or where I'll be.

This past week I participated in Cura Personalis, the national conference for college CLC members/coordinators. The conference includes two days of silent retreat, during which participants meet with a spiritual director each day. I spent the first part of the silent retreat feeling like my head was stuffed full of cotton, like if I could somehow extract all of that cotton out of my head, there would finally be room for my thoughts to be clear.

After sensing my jumbled state of mind during our first meeting, the second day my spiritual director (an incredibly sweet, elderly nun) gave me a copy of this Thomas Merton prayer: "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end..."

Well, to say that that's the truth would be an understatement. But although I'm uncertain of exactly where this path of JVC is going to take me, I have to say that I'm excited for the ride. At this point, I honestly can go anywhere and do almost anything. That kind of freedom is a liberating, and it's kind of exhilarating to not know where I'll be: that means there's still a world of possibilities open to me. And in my moments of uncertainty, I am still sure that the God of certainty is guiding me every step of the way.

photo via pinterest // title via "She Is" by Ben Rector [one of my current favorite songs]

graduation.

So, senior week happened. And then graduation happened, too. And it hasn't sunk in yet, even though I put on the cap and gown, walked across the stage, took the pictures, and said far too many "see you later's."

I could wax poetic about the highlights of my college experience or the ways that SLU has changed me over the past four years, but I won't right now (although that will likely come later).

However, I will say this because it sums up my experience here in so many ways: as Fr. Biondi told us at commencement, "You are now sons and daughters of Saint Louis University FOREVER." And I believe that, and I will forever treasure my time at SLU.