Sunday, January 22, 2012

hello, reality.

Tuesday morning, I headed off to work, fresh from a wonderful few days at JVC Re-Orientation. While I wasn't expecting everything to be perfect, I was certainly optimistic and excited.

Then Tuesday afternoon happened. And Tuesday became one of the worst days I've had this year at work.

Nothing like a harsh jolt back to reality, right?

I came home that night, exchanged stories about my day with my roommates, and discovered that I wasn't the only one who had a bad first day back. Just when we were all on that good old retreat high and freshly enthusiastic about JVC, it seems the harsh realities of this year came back to knock us down again.

I've been processing that afternoon and some of the implications of it ever since. I'm not sure which is worse: living through it the first time or analyzing it to death afterwards. Honestly, I spend a lot of time in this job feeling really inadequate and unprepared, and there's no more humbling experience than being confronted with your own flaws.

When I talk to former JVs, they usually mention how JVC helped them to come to lot of "really-important-realizations" about life and themselves. Well, I'm starting to have some of my own, and they aren't all pretty. 

One of the most important ones that I finally admitted out loud on Tuesday night was that I'm more than a little burnt out when it comes to my job. I don't know why I had such a hard time admitting it, but honestly, it's true. Now, I just have to deal with it. Dealing with it... well, I'm not exactly sure what the specifics of that are, but I think it definitely means taking better care of myself, whatever that may mean.

In the meantime, I have to make the most of things in this job that bring me energy and joy, whether they are hearing that one of the students has raised his math grade from an F to a C or planning the upcoming Valentine's Day Party. So, here's to that as I prepare to take on another week. Because doing this job isn't about "success"; it's about faithfulness and persistence. 

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there! Failing (or not "succeeding") totally sucks, and honors kids don't get enough practice to prepare them to work with kids. That's just my opinion...and the reason I decided not to teach, after getting my degree and going through student teaching. I just need a lot more accumulated failure in my life to prepare me for the moment-to-moment reality of working with teenagers. I can honestly say that that one semester was the hardest thing I've ever done, and that to be a successful teacher takes far more humility and grace than I possess. Maybe teaching would be a great third career for me. :)